如何要求朋友刪除/不在社交媒體上發布我的照片?


39

我們最近參加了一個朋友的生日聚會,在那裡拍了一些照片。只要這些照片不在線和共享,我就沒問題。

我的大多數朋友(我會說幾乎每個人)都不在乎,只要圖片不令人尷尬即可。當有人決定在線上傳我的照片,或者在最壞的情況下與我不認識的人甚至是公開分享我的照片時,我確實遇到了問題。

我當然知道這個朋友和我的大多數其他朋友並不完全理解我的要求。他們會將我視為挑剔,因為相關圖片無論如何都還不錯。

所以我的問題是我想告訴我的朋友我的隱私問題,而又不冒降低我們友誼的力量的風險。我也不想讓我的朋友在拍包括我在內的照片時感到尷尬。

如何在不造成尷尬局面的情況下告訴我的朋友我的擔憂?

我不是在尋找一個粗略的解決方案。我知道如何在最壞的情況下刪除圖片,並且我確定如果我要求刪除圖片,圖片也會被刪除。我的問題是如何談論它。

編輯:(回答評論)。有些照片已經在線上,可以共享給一群朋友(10 +-)。我們年齡在23-27歲,我們住在德國。

4

Sometimes being to the point is good. Just tell him that you don't like photos of you being posted on the Internet without you being asked first. Fussy or not, it is something that you don't like and it should be respected.

You don't have to be aggressive about it. Just have a serious conversation and say that this thing bothers you and you'd like them to respect your wish not to see pictures of you uploaded without your permission.


28

I want to tell my friend about my privacy concerns without risking to reduce the strength of our friendship.

I would tell them the truth. If they are really your friends, they'll understand. Your life, your rights, your privacy, your choice! Be clear about that. "NO" is sometimes a complete sentence.

I also don't want my friend to feel awkward taking photos which include me.

Well, it is awkward if they don't get your point, don't understand how and why you feel that way.


You definately need to have a talk with your friends, and let them know. Be nice, but firm. I would recommend that you first look over the web for some articles talking about privacy and the problems that arose from there. Get some stories about lack of privacy ready, and tell them how bad it went. Understood or not, it might be awkward anyway, I don't think you can dodge this. But the best way is to tell them that many people around the world have been in trouble at their workplace or in their family, because of pictures thrown on the internet.

If they say that they're not bothered as long as the pictures are not embarrassing, search for the story of that young Austrian girl with her pictures put online by parents. (link not provided because it's in German, nothing found in English). And, hopefully, let them understand how the picture of a tiny, cute little baby/girl can be embarassing years later.


/!\ It's the internet. So, when it's online, not much you can do. Crusher, mill, grinder, you name it! But what started with a finger in the cog will end with you being shredded to parts. No more private life... And beware of the Streisand effect, when it backfires.

I definitely know that this friend and most of my other friends don't fully understand my request.

So, you're left with some very little leeway:

  1. be "funny" and wear a mask :) (Same as you, here. So I did it once. I let you imagine how awkward that was, but many were laughing too. Some got the point.)
  2. Don't go to the party or leave/hide yourself if any picture is taken (did it too. Not bothered anymore after that. Move and repeat : sorry, no picture of me. As much as needed).
  3. Legal action afterwards (tough way, but you have the law on your side, even though it's somehow too late.).

By the way, if you're in Germany, as your profile says, here are some related reading : what the European Laws say about Personal Data - Privacy or this study from the Centre of Interdisciplinary Law and ICT at the University of Leuven in Belgium.

From (and with credit to) @fildor comment: There is also the "Recht am eigenen Bild". In general, you have the right to ask for your picture to be permanently deleted if you didn't accept it to be taken. There are some exceptions, be sure to check if it applies.


10

Your request is reasonable but unfortunately it is even more impractical than you think. As soon as someone has installed a facebook app, facebook runs every photo the person takes through its severs, whether the user actively uploads it on facebook or not. There is reason to expect that facebook scans those photos for known faces and for geolocation. So even if your friends tell you that they won't upload your photo on social media, as soon as they take a photo with their cell phone or tablet camera, facebook knows where you were, when, and with whom.

So the only thing you can do is to ask your friends not to take any photos of you unless they use a real camera and then not to upload those on Facebook.

There is no way to do this without inviting at least some debate, since most people just take it for granted that they have no privacy anymore or are ready to trade their privacy for "a great app" (or whatever). Thus you might just have to be blunt:

Please don't take any photos of me with a cell phone./Please don't post photos online that include me. My privacy is very important for me.


14

Every person has a comfort zone of what they're happy with being shared. For example, I don't share photos online, but many people do. I still take photos as personal memories, though.

So the case is here that your friends have a different comfort zone than you do. They (I assume) are perfectly happy to post photos that they take on facebook. You can talk to them about it, which other answers suggest, but there is no guarantee that (1) they'll be understanding or (2) the'll take the time to sift through the photos of you and exclude them, or blur you out.

I'm a photo adverse person. I also don't have a facebook profile so I can't go online and check if my friends have posted photos of me. As a result, I've developed the following policy:

1) I don't participate in a photo if I don't want it shared.
(or 1b: I assume every photo taken of me will be shared)

2) The only photos I can control are the ones taken with my camera.

Since so many people are on facebook, I just assume that if it's taken on someone else's device, it will be shared somewhere. If I'm not happy with that, I just don't participate. If I want to take a photo then I use my own camera that I have control over.

This is inconvenient. This means that you won't be joining photos sometimes, or you will have to use your own camera instead. But in my experience, it's worth it in the long run because you have a lot more control of what photos of you end up on facebook.


Also:

Context is important. Almost all photos I participate in are family photos. My mom and I will sometimes take a selfie and she'll post it on her facebook profile and I don't mind that. But it's not me at a party/in a compromising position/etc.


3

This is doable. Tell your friend that you don't like having your photos online, and that you need him to not post them. Now some of this falls on you ... you have to either bow out of group photos altogether, or arrange that two shots be taken, one with you and one without.

Once your crew gets used to this, it'll be just your weird quirk. We all have 'em.


3

Take the friend aside and explain succinctly and privately. Obviously, the picture-poster is not a horrible person, they just didn't know your preference. Be willing to admit that you have the unusual perspective among your social set and clarify your boundaries:

I love that we're friends, and I'm honored to be part of the photos of your private memories. But I'm very conservative about where my image appears on public forums like social media. I'd really appreciate it if you would avoid posting any picture I'm in, or edit me out. And no worries if you accidentally post me - just please take it down when you notice it happened. I'll never be offended if you ask me to step of a picture because you want to post it online.

Then, as picture taking happens, quickly ask "are you guys posting it online?" and if so, enthusiastically offer to be the one HOLDING the camera! :) Now you know you won't be in it. As another poster said - since are you the one who wants the unusual thing, realize that you probably need to step out of ALL heavily shared group shots - once there's 10-20 people in a picture, you won't really be able to talk to everyone that shares it to control the digital flow.

As time goes on, you may well get teased about being unusual. People like to tease. It happens. The key is to take it stride and try to avoid rising to the bait or getting annoyed. If you can joke back about it, so much the better.

Lastly, I'll highlight some of the other postings - you can try to minimize your digital footprint, for sure, but you won't eliminate it. So it is a question of how hard you want to fight this fight. It IS nearly impossible to fully eliminate an image once it's posted - you can limit it's scope of publicity, but it's never fully 100% gone. Similarly, because you are part of the fabric of other people's lives, your friends WILL haphazardly mention you in their own postings. This is a sad part of life in a digital age, and about the only way you can eliminate it completely is to have an extremely non-digital lifestyle.


3

In my experience you only have to assert your feelings on this matter ONCE and then people will remember, so if you feel strongly about this it is definitely worth building up the courage and doing something about it.

Just to briefly share my experience, my wife and I did not want poor quality, awkward looking photographs being taken at our wedding and posted on social media, so we had an announcement made before the ceremony began stating our request. It didn't ruin any friendships, and two years later people STILL check with us before uploading any photo taken of us or our daughter.

It shouldn't be a difficult conversation to have. Don't direct what you have to say at any one single person, make it clear this is your decision and it applies to everybody. Something like: "I've become concerned recently about online photographs and I have decided I want to be more selective about what photographs of me are posted on social media. I'd like it to be my choice if and when a photo of me is shared publicly and so I'm asking everybody I know if they would respect this choice and remove any photographs of me from their own accounts. Would you do that for me please?"


2

I don't like when someone posts my photos in Internet too. But I think there's only one way to avoid it: don't take pictures with people who probably will post this out in Internet. But if your friends take pictures of only you, you can just ask them not to post them.