長時間不聯繫後,如何與您感興趣的人建立互動?


8

我是20歲的男人,我想和一個特別漂亮的女孩在一起,我只偶爾見過一次,距離上一次已經6個月了。

過去的互動

這些總是因為有一群共同的朋友。我的朋友是她的朋友,所以有時候如果有集體電影院郊遊,聚會,而且一旦有野餐去公園看樂隊演奏,大多數時候我才見到她。現在要明確的是,我們之間的關係從未如此緊密,我估計總共只有8天左右的時間在一起,並且它們分散在一年中,直到6個月前。但是,特別是在後半部分,我會發現自己整天都在開心地與她聊天。

當前狀態

由於我們的朋友群體不斷變化,突然之間我花了50個小時來從事新的編程工作,而不是以前的5個小時,所以我從不社交變成不存在,我們根本沒有任何互動在6個月內。我打算在此之前通過Facebook與她聯繫,敦促朋友們幫助甚至"精打細算:D"投入她的工作,但前景使我感到非常焦慮,因為我不知道該說些什麼,然後第二分鐘才6個月。

選項

為了邀請我們倆參加小組活動而尋求共同朋友的幫助將不再起作用,因為連接我們朋友小組的主要兩個人(與我,女孩或這個問題無關)之間存在尷尬。

編輯:與我沒有任何關係,但我覺得在她朋友的眼中,我可能與情況有關,即使僅通過與他們所見的朋友的聯繫也可以。跌倒了。這樣一來,與這個小組中的朋友重新聯繫成為一個單獨的問題,由於我們相處得很好,我對此並不擔心,但是我確實認為只有在 第一次與那個重新聯繫的人之後,我到目前為止,最接近。結束編輯。

現在,我目前的目標是聚在一起並有機會重新連接/花費時間,但是我認為嘗試去嘗試一些隨便的東西可能已經太久了,無論如何,我還是很奇怪比平常情況更直接。我當時正在考慮使用Facebook按照以下方式發送消息:

Hi, I received two free tickets to this cool new movie. Is there any chance you would be interested in coming? I was thinking we could go grab some food from this place beforehand or something?

要么放棄,要么放棄我們再次見面的機會。有人對如何機智地處理這種情況有很好的機會度過在一起的時間嗎?/找出她是否甚至想度過時間,因為我很可能誤讀了她的信號並且她不願意見面我。

作為參考,她今年20歲,我的最終目標是建立長期的戀愛關係。但是,讓我們從開會開始。

6

Yeah, your invitation there looks like asking her out for a date, which she may not appreciate right out of the blue.

I'd go with a softer approach

Hey, it's been ages since I saw you, a lot has happened, and I have loads to tell you. We should catch up sometime soon!

And see what response you get and move onwards from there.

Obviously, you need to put a little work into seeing if she's romantically involved with anyone else before you start out.


3

You wrote:

I would find myself spending the entire day chatting with her happily

And also:

it has probably gone too long that to try and ask for something casual will be weird enough

I disagree. It sounded like the two of you were reasonable friends back then. Anecdotally, I have friends who I hadn't seen for a good 6 or 7 years or so. When I happened to be in the right part of the country to see them, I sent them a quick message along the lines of:

Hi, I know it's been a while, but I'm going to be around ${place} from ${start_time} to ${end_time} and was wondering if you'd like to meet up, catch up, and do ${thing}

I met up, reconnected with old friends, and had a wonderful time with them over tea. Apparently, save for facial hair, I hadn't changed at all. It is 100% fine to reach out to old friends to see if they'd like to meet up.

That said, a few things really did jump out at me from your question:

it's been 6 months

...

my ultimate goal is a long term relationship

Do you think you might be getting ahead of yourself a bit? You've spent some time with this person, and that's great, but deciding you want a long term relationship with someone you've not seen for six months strikes me as a little bit speedy. I mean, what if she's taken up boat-programming in those intervening six months, when you absolutely hate boat-progammers and everything they stand for?

You're a grown man and I'm not going to tell you what you do and don't want. Maybe you have genuinely decided that you definitely want an LTR with this person, but I don't really think you've quite gotten enough information to make that kind of decision just yet.

Asking to meet up is fine, and being intersted in people romantically is also fine, but be honest with yourself about what your connection currently looks like. They're an old friend, you'd like to reconnect with them, so go do that. If you later find that you're getting close and you'd like to start turning the connection into something different, then it might be time to start following the advice in Kate Gregory's answer to this question.


1

I have a feeling that you would prefer to speak with her not that straightforward about the meeting up. What about just texting her that yesterday you saw her somewhere and ask was it her? You can say that you saw her in the shopping center but she was on the other end of a shopping center and you tried to say hello but she did not see you.

I know it sounds strange but it would be kind of random message with which you can start a conversation.


1

"Hey, I'm going shopping this weekend for socks. Wanna come?"

It's as easy as that. Do your own thing, invite her to join you. It doesn't have to be a 'date' or anything like it, just an opportunity to spend time together. If she's interested, she'll say yes. If not, and she doesn't seem interested in arranging a different opportunity, drop it.

The basis for this suggestion comes from various sources including "The Selfish Gene" by Richard Dawkins. You should probably also read the wiki page for "Behavioural Genetics."

Ultimately, the behavior recommended in my above answer is a distillation of several concepts in the sited references, as well as other sources. The theory is to exhibit as many 'universally attractive' behaviors as possible. These would include:

  • self confidence
  • congruence
  • leading a self-directed life
  • independence
  • being involved living your own life
  • not being approval-seeking

The first paragraph encompasses many of these ideals and is quite simple to implement. Obviously, the girl in the OP would have to have no worse than a neutral feeling toward the OP poster.